Temporal Terminus

Inescapable suspicion that there is no future. Yawning blank waiting for me. Ready to swallow me whole.

I think I'm more afraid of growing old than dying. Dying is bad enough. Growing old and then dying sounds worse.

I can't imagine time stretching out in front of me. I'm drawing a blank trying to imagine my life. A total blank.

Edit:

Can't see myself having kids or starting a family. Unless a girl comes along who can change my mind irreversibly. Otherwise, I don't see it. Not because 'the fun will be over' or because it means 'growing up.' I think I'm doing a lot of that as it is.

I don't see it happening because the thought of marrying, starting a family, raising children, building a life reminds me rather painfully that I don't really know what I want out of my life. I have no real reason to want a family. But I don't know what I really want or what I'm supposed to do.

Summer blues, I guess. Some people are down in the winter. I get it in the summer.